You can look at chaos from different points of view, for example, there is order, things flow, you are sort of sailing through life. Then suddenly the unexpected happens and it can have a thousand different faces. Perhaps somebody passes, and there you have the chaos caused by grief and uncertainty. Somebody you have loved is no longer in life.
Suddenly you lose your job, which can be a traumatic experience in the extreme. Especially when jobs are hard to find. You are asking yourself the questions: How will I cope? Will I have money to support myself and my family? Then there are those who create their own chaos, because they do not want to take any responsibility for their own lives. They find themselves going back to the same situation again and again, because they have no inner structure or discipline, and are not very honest with themselves.
One thing I have realised about myself, is that some of the chaos I have found myself in, in my life, was because of my reluctance to question myself and correct what was wrong in my attitude. Despite of this, in the end, I was tired of going back into situations that were seemingly repeating themselves.
Some of my former students have been in such a hurry to become mediums, this good spiritual person. They wanted everything to go on the fast track, but they did not realise that they cannot run away from the responsibility of how they conducted themselves in everyday life. At some point it must be addressed, without projecting onto other people.
It came as quite a shock to me many years ago, when I realised that there where elements to my dark side that needed to be addressed and changed. I remember the day Ascala first showed himself to me. He was talking about taking more responsibility for myself, to look within and confront the way I really am. On that occasion I took his advice and allowed another of his spiritual counterparts to take me into my inner wilderness. It was quite surprising to understand what other kinds of persons were hiding within my shadows. There I found another Terry that was angry and bitter.
This happened at a time when I allowed myself to feel feelings that I did not want to accept. It was painful and sometimes humiliating to realise that all of those feelings that I had carried had become like a burden. That was when I realised it was time to learn to deal with my chaos in another way. The only way I could do that was by telling myself the truth, so that I could stop projecting it onto other people that had not played any part in the drama I found myself in.
I knew it was time for change, so I took the first step of facing my fear, my fear of humiliation and my shame. I turned to people that were skilled and could help me make that journey. The more I accepted the way I had been or was, the light went on in my head, more and more. To say “I have changed” does not prove anything. That is a challenge we are faced with daily.
Ascala has taught me to confront things within others and myself, when the time is right. He has taught me to take initiative and dare, so that I can find the light and see the shadows in which those old demons lie. To face the inner chaos is an ongoing process, it does not just happen overnight. I have to play my part. As I look back over the years I now realise what effect the self-denial and the anger had on other people that chose to project it onto. I undoubtedly crossed lines and hurt other people, consciously or unconsciously.
Chaos can also be very creative and constructive, and sometimes I need to go into that wilderness of chaos. Every time I find myself there it means there is something new to learn. Ascala has taught me one thing, if you do not deal with your chaos and confront it, it will catch up with you. There is no escape. We eventually fall into a trap that is of our own making. Being a good medium or healer or good at your job is not enough. There are no fast tracks to anything. When I have dealt with old baggage I can then recognise when it shows its ugly head again and tries to prevent me from my purpose, or who I really am.
So next time you find yourself in chaos, are you going to blame someone else because of the situation you find yourself in, or are you going to open a new door, face yourself, and take responsibility for the part that you play in the chaos?
/Terry Evans
Learn more about Terry Evans click here: Terry Evans
Click on the pictures below for more information, if you are curious about what I do apart from the blog:
There might indeed be quite a “fast track” relieving us of our “inner chaos”, and it would actually be the same track that you yourself have experienced when writing:
“The more I accepted the way I had been or was, the light went on in my head, more and more.”
Eckhart Tolle accelerated this same process in me by telling us of the Jesus word: “Forgive them, for they know not what they do” that we should also apply to ourselves and the times we were trapped in our egos, totally unconscious and not knowing what we were doing … This recommendation of forgiveness – or, in your words, acceptance – triggered a tremendous feeling of relief in me, immediately turning my feelings of shame into a deep, heartfelt sense of regret but also peace. And it made me right away reach out to my mother I hadn’t had any contact with for 35 years (as she was no good mother) and fill her last few years with love and light …
The “Beatles guru” Maharishi comments on the light that goes on in our heads as follows:
“Don’t fight darkness. Bring the light, and darkness will disappear.”
Best wishes from Maja
The power of forgiveness can be transforming. Thank you! /Terry Evans
So well written Terry. I met many with ESP but with very little understanding about personal responsibility. It goes for all of us. Specially for us who work as teachers the ”Healer heal thyself” is the most challenging. Easy to tell others what to do and how to be, but to dig deep into one´s own mud needs courage. Sending you my love. Rita
Nice to hear from you, Rita! I enjoyed the litterature you gave me. Thank you! /Terry Evans